“I believe in holding out my hand to other women BEFORE it’s asked for, and keeping it out past the point it is self-effacingly rejected, or bitchily refused. I know that for most women, the only thing harder than asking for help is staying around to offer it after it’s been rebuffed.”
–Terri Senft, Ten Statements from a ‘New Woman’ in the Tech Sector
studentactivism.net 
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January 20, 2010 at 1:01 pm
oldfeminist
Wow, very on-point.
It’s very easy to offer help once and to get shitty about it when your help isn’t immediately accepted graciously and with enthusiasm. How can people not take advantage of your generosity?
But looking at it from the other side, offers of “help” so often come with traps that it’s normal for people who are in a down position to be suspicious and even dismissive of offers of help.
The primary trap is that, if you’re getting help, you’re automatically inferior, “less than” the person helping you. The person helping you gets to dictate your behavior and judge your use of their help.
This trap is waiting to spring on both the helped and the helper, very often with the helper completely unaware of it.
It can get really ugly, really quick.