Let’s Have a Conversation: Sexual Ethics in Activist Communities
March 1, 2015 in Students
This is the first entry in a series of posts in which I answer questions posed by readers. Find out more about the series, or ask your own question, here.
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Today’s question was prompted by my tweets about faculty-student sex yesterday, in which I argued for a flat ban on sexual relations between students and professors. Here’s the question, sent to me by Twitter direct message:
I’m curious to know if you think that that kind of relationship is comparable to a relationship between a prominent student activist in a radical community and someone brand new to this community & social justice / if consent lines are similarly blurred in that kind of situation?
It’s a good question. I’ve got a half-finished piece somewhere about peer-to-peer sexual harassment in student organizing circles, and I think it’s an issue we don’t talk about enough. So, okay. Here we go.
As I said on Twitter, professors who pursue students for sex corrode the teacher-student relationship — not just the relationship with the student who is being pursued, but with all the other students who find out about it. My view is that profs shouldn’t have sex with their students because it’s incompatible with their professional obligations to them and because a teacher’s professional obligations to their students trump their personal interest in them.
Even in the presence of freely-chosen, enthusiastic, mutual consent, in other words, professor-student sex is a really bad idea. And that’s a very unusual situation. Even where institutional relationships exist between two people, it’s rare to regard consensual sexual relationships between adults as immoral. I can imagine exceptions, I suppose, but in general I’d say that if two student activists are freely consenting there’s nothing wrong with them hooking up.
So let’s look at the issue of consent.
In order for consent to exist, it must be freely chosen. If you don’t have the capacity to meaningfully consent, consent can’t exist. If you’ve been been forced or coerced, consent doesn’t exist. Consent consists of a free choice made by someone who possesses the capacity to choose.
Coming back to the organizing environment, my primary concern would not be with lines of consent being “blurred,” as you put it, but with those lines being breached by coercion or predation.
If someone has a lot of social influence in a given group, that gives them power, and that power may be used abusively. They may manipulate situations in order to create the opportunity to exploit others sexually by isolation or incapacitation. They may exert pressure on others to give in to their advances. They may use their influence to silence their victims and their victims’ supporters.
In each of these scenarios, though, we’re talking about behavior that would be abusive even without the power differential — it’s not that sex which would be consensual in another context is now rendered problematic by one party’s power, but that the person’s power gives them opportunities to engage in and get away with behavior that would be wrong in any context.
To put it another way, in this context I’m generally less interested with how encounters look from the outside than in how they look to the participants. If each party sees themselves as actively, enthusiastically, freely choosing a sexual relationship, I’m not going to second-guess their judgment. The hookup be a good idea or a bad one, it may end well or poorly, it may help or harm the movement, but in most situations adults should be presumed to be capable of making their own sexual choices.
Anyway, those are my thoughts. What do y’all think?
3 comments
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March 1, 2015 at 11:57 am
Alia Gee
Adding to the mess– when I was an RC, one of my residents may have been assaulted by a peer who was acting as her music tutor. She had trusted him because they had a pseudo-teacher-student relationship. When I was on the rules and regs committee, everyone agreed that a professor who violated the student-teacher relationship should be fired. But there was major confusion and discomfort around what should happen to a student who was in a pseudo-professor role and did the same thing,
I don’t remember if we actually put anything in writing about it. :/
March 1, 2015 at 2:57 pm
Angus Johnston
Good point, Alia, and it’s a reminder that organizations and institutions should have clear policies on this stuff — both governing consensual relationships and harassment.
I think it’s reasonable to say that consensual relationships should be assumed permitted unless specifically prohibited. If tutor-student relationships are unacceptable, tell both the tutors and the students that in advance, so that there’s no confusion or ambiguity. Same for staff and volunteers in a membership organization, for instance.
Harassment is a separate issue, but there too there’s often a lot more that organizations can do to make expectations and remedies clear.
March 4, 2015 at 6:12 pm
Cole
I think the conversation needs to go beyond consent. For example, I don’t date anyone involved in the organization I founded-even if they are freely consenting. I know my position in the group (especially in decision making) and I just don’t see how it is possible to have a mutual relationship when there is a such a power discrepancy, a power discrepancy consent doesn’t erase. In more heterosexual oriented organizing spaces, I have found that consent is often used as a way for predatory (often older) men to be able to have really fucked up relationships with multiple younger women without consequences. They make sure to muddle things enough so no one is comfortable with calling it out as abuse, but the end result is still women getting fucked over. I have actually seen this dynamic end activist projects, collectives and in one case, a physical space.
I get worried that the focus on consent lets things go too far. We shouldn’t wait until someone has already been abused or raped to act against shitty behavior. Many people in abusive relationships (including myself) don’t even process what is happening until we’re already out of things, like technically I consented to much of my own abuse in the past. Its hard though, because I know this isn’t a popular opinion among activists (especially those in my age bracket) but I think if we are to actively combat abuse & rape &harassment in our spaces, we need to get so much more proactive. Like I got shit last year because I spoke out about a much older activist (who was in his 50’s) started dating a 19yr old female activist who was new to the city. I was told that shit was consensual, so it was none of my business. Now, its coming out that the younger activist went through some horrible shit and it all could have been prevented! And you know, the same shit happened to me when I was 18 and first getting in activist communities.
Basically, focusing on consent basically mandates that we wait until after abuse&harassment&rape happens before we act and I refuse to accept that as a solution. We need better ways of understanding power in relationships. The most hopeful thing I have seen so far is the work of radical trans lesbians who have been doing incredible work going deeper than consent. Lisa over at radtransfem.wordpress.com probably has the most accessible writings on the topic.